My Resolutions

Scientists have embarked on this attempt to study the success rate of New Year's resolutions. Personally, I have resolved not to sign up. But I like the tip from the professor running the show as reported in The Guardian - '...make only one resolution: if you are an obese, misanthropic, SUV-driving smoker, Prof Wiseman recommends picking just one aspect of life to improve, to increase your chances of success.' Then it would take me four years to become a nice, thin person. Resolutions, I suppose, are expressions of the usual human unease with their place in the world. My favourite survey result - which I may have dreamt - is that on an average day, the average person feels a little worse than average. Even if he's not actually in pain, he's worried about his obesity, misanthropy etc. and oppressed by his failed attempts to do something about them. As well as not taking part in Wiseman's study, my resolutions are to get by and be funnier. Making people laugh is a generous act. And, as with all resolutions, it's even funnier when you fail. Look at any fat, smoking bastard in an X5 or a Cayenne. Funny? No?