Naomi: First Day on the Job

Naomi arrived at the sanitation building wearing delightful Gabbana & McQueen overalls and diamond-encrusted trainers specially made for the occasion by Jimmy Lagerfeld. Deploying her extensive grasp of Zen wisdom, she clapped herself gently with one hand and gave a beautifully wrapped box containing nothing to her supervisor, Al Petrone. 'My reign of terror,' she announced, 'the sole purpose of which was to draw attention to the teachings of the Enlightened One, is over.' Al handed her a mop. She prostrated herself and kissed his Timberlands. 'That's a first,' said Al. 'Of many, I assure you,' replied Naomi, wiping her lips with a 'folded fingerbowl' by Prucci, 'have you read Amanda Marcotte?' 'Not that I know of," said Al, 'now clean.' He pointed to a garbage-strewn, rat-infested corner of the building. 'I don't like your tone, most unenlightened and, like, negative, ' said Naomi as she threw her mobile phone at her boss. Al took out a small device and pressed a button. Naomi at once vomited and fell to the filthy floor. 'Neat, huh?' said Al, 'Got it from the Navy.' 'Back to square one,' sighed the social worker.