The Bored Need-a-Laugh Caption Contest
# posted by Bryan Appleyard : 9:44 AM
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- Name:Bryan Appleyard
A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
26 Comments:
At December 05, 2008 9:50 AM,
Brit said…
So, this is happiness.
(nb. you have to say that in the right tone. Experiment with a view variations of deadpan-ity until you find the funny one.
At December 05, 2008 10:24 AM,
James Rhodes said…
The Four Seasons is delighted to announce its new Appleyard Suite. Instead of the usual rubber duck, our favourite surly critic will offer invaluable, bespoke advice on bathroom etiquette whilst you undress, shave, poo and shower in the style of Oscar Wild. Topics will include nasal hair trimming, the most effective use of toilet paper in order to minimise chafing, and how best to moisturise. Further more personal service will be at Bryan's discretion and subject to additional charges.
At December 05, 2008 10:52 AM,
elberry said…
According to his wishes, Appleyard's internal organs were pickled and his mummy was placed in an alien spacecraft.
Sadly, tomb raiders broke into his pyramid and made off with his shoes.
At December 05, 2008 10:55 AM,
Vince said…
SIMPLY ADD BOLLINGER
and flower Guaranteed.
At December 05, 2008 11:05 AM,
Trinny said…
You dress young. Unwise.
At December 05, 2008 11:18 AM,
David Aspden said…
TUBBY BROCCOLI
In Business this week we interview broccoli king Bryan Appleyard.
At December 05, 2008 11:27 AM,
malty said…
My mother told me "never wash your feet with your socks on"
At December 05, 2008 11:31 AM,
Steve Buckley said…
Mr Applyard attended only the very best sperm donor clinics.
At December 05, 2008 11:42 AM,
Steve Buckley said…
Three jars of penti-peptides AND a stripy shirt? Bryan was pushing the boundaries of eternal life like not other before.
At December 05, 2008 11:43 AM,
Johnny said…
This post has been removed by the author.
At December 05, 2008 11:44 AM,
Steve Buckley said…
Get back to Dylan and the 'Wire'. Best leave the restaurant critiques to Gill.
At December 05, 2008 11:46 AM,
Johnny said…
Cadbury unveils new Flake model.
At December 05, 2008 12:16 PM,
Dick Madeley said…
Waiter, waiter, there's a journalist in my soup!
At December 05, 2008 12:19 PM,
Steve Buckley said…
BUPA goes post-modern minimalist.
At December 05, 2008 12:32 PM,
midcan5 said…
See a 'green' bath can be enjoyable!
At December 05, 2008 12:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
Photo taken moments before world-record attempt at largest clay pigeon shoot. (Window out onto woodland retracts and giant disc is slung out). Bryan mistook it for a bath, silly, and lay down in it. Bye bye Bryan - it was an honour.
At December 05, 2008 12:55 PM,
Johntyh said…
The cover picture of Appleyard's Christmas book '100 things to do with a champagne glass' is described by the TLS reviewer as "practically pornographic". As for the 100 suggestions he reports that "5 is achievable only with great care, 18 and 31 are physically impossible, and 76 should never be undertaken when there's an ambulance strike"
At December 05, 2008 1:18 PM,
Steve Buckley said…
Complaints from visitors to Tate Modern as new 'art' installation begin to emit unpleasant smell. 'It stinks', said Muriel Flange from Dulwich.
At December 05, 2008 1:56 PM,
Gordon McCabe said…
Alan Yentob is away this week.
At December 05, 2008 1:56 PM,
philip walling said…
There would appear to be some truth in the rumour that the legendary writer Bryan Appleyard has grown so small on his low-carb diet that he now bathes in a wash basin.
At December 05, 2008 2:02 PM,
mahlerman said…
Airbrush the glass out, and it looks quite interesting
At December 05, 2008 2:26 PM,
Bryan Appleyard said…
Well ha, bloody ha, guys. Dress young, Trinny, which bit is young. Like the broccoli thing, hadn't thought f that. Alleviated the boredom entirely.
At December 05, 2008 2:45 PM,
Brit said…
"A view variations" - what a strange, strange typo I made up at the top there.
If you want more ha bloody ha on a boring Friday, I discuss unfunny practical jokes here.
At December 05, 2008 3:56 PM,
Susan B. said…
Bathroom Concierge at the Aussie Hotel awaits a guest with a complimentary glass of champagne.
At December 05, 2008 5:03 PM,
Vince said…
Out of interest, is it useful. You look a bit braced in the photo leaving me with the feel if you lifted a leg there was a better that average chance of going under.
At December 05, 2008 5:34 PM,
Gordon McCabe said…
Bryan Appleyard in a nutshell.
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